(My subconscious)

When threatened....
Sometimes even I fear what poems will appear in these blank pages
Ive seen them form daemons and monsters.
The Type of beasts that cannot be contained by cages.
I fear the words will materialize before me
Spawning a Beelzebub fathered by my imagination,
a creature that schemes to corner me
Forcing me
to submit to the leviathan of my subconscious
something inside of me you don’t want to see
but will transpire if it has to be


sometimes I fear what words will bleed from my veins through my pencil
I fear they will reveal secrets from my heart, whispers in the standstill
Between beats
I’m afraid of what my hearts speaks
I
Fear my soul wanders too far when my brain sleeps
So my body leaks courage on my sheets while my brain counts sheep
IM
Afraid I’ll lose myself in wonderland leaving my body abandoned and vulnerable to be possessed
BY
Textbook dreams and fantasies that leave us vexed
So when reality bites and everything comes tumbling down
You stand there with a frown looking completely perplexed
I won’t let you IN
Im afraid you won’t understand my context
Im afraid you will see the holes in my wall
The weaknesses in my defenses
The gaps in my fences that contain my mess of senselessness
That makes up the complexity of my thoughts and emotions
When my mind sinks to depths darker and deeper than the deepest oceans
Sometimes
I’m afraid I don’t understand so don’t force me to explain
But if today I should die don’t cry or pity me for you are doing so in vain
Because if I could do it, id live my life again
And id smile through the misery and laugh through the pain
Because no matter how sweet the sunshine is in paradise…
There will always
be rain.